I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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