Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
