I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
