I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
