saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
