She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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