We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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