i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
