btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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