Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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