I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
