Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
