so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
