my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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