we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
