I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
