dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
