I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
