So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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