Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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