I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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