You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
