I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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