Soap is not a condiment
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
