I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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