so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
