I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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