He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
