I'm drive I can fine osifer
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
