There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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