I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
