If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
