I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
