im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
