have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
