Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
