the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
