ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
and you fell through a lawn chair
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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