She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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