finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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