naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
