it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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