on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
