Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I FOUND THE LEGS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
