So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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