I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I don't think brook has ever known best
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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