nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
