omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize