I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
