I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
