do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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