There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
