i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
please come you make the beer taste better
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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