he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
