You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
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