The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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