Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
