bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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