READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
