'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My balls are so social today.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
