I think my fart just growled at me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
