If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
