it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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