Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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