he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
operation harelip BJ is a go
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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