your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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