There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
