people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My ass is underappreciated
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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