How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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