a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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