Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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