Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Randomize
