yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
