Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
