One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
