Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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