Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
