So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
love makes seman taste better
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize