Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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