your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
